http://www.nerve.com/A smart magazine about sex for women and men.1 http://www.nerve.com/entertainment/features/20-ways-to-get-your-arrested-development-movie-fix/Forget Scientology or Heaven’s Gate. Today, the biggest cult in our country may very well be the teeming masses anxiously awaiting the return of Arrested Development. After years of rumors and dashed hopes, it seems the beloved TV show will finally be reincarnated, this time on the big screen. But don’t break out your Cornballers yet: the film isn’t set to hit theaters until 2011. How will you last that long? While you can treasure your DVD collection of all three seasons, you’ll probably want to vary things up in the year-plus before we get sweet relief. Off the top of your head, you might know to watch Michael Cera in Juno, but where can you find Judy Greer in a role as crazy as Kitty Sanchez? Will Arnett as a man as bumbling and self-involved as Gob? Or Charlize Theron and Jason Bateman having more comical (and sexual) misunderstandings than they did as Rita Leeds and Michael Bluth? Nerve and IFC have joined forces to give you all the help you need — here are the Top 20 films to Give You Your Arrested Development Fix*. * Until they actually make the movie.]]>Phil Nugent http://www.nerve.com/photo-features/woolliscroft/red-hot-chili-peppers-me-and-my-friends/U.K. photographer Tony Woolliscroft has been closer to the Red Hot Chili Peppers than any other photographer. He's braved a typhoon with them in Japan, captured Anthony Kiedis walking off the edge of a hotel roof in Venezuela, witnessed John Frusciante's remarkable private comeback show, and had drumsticks thrown at him for taking naked pictures of Flea's girlfriend. He's had the fortune of Anthony singing "Venice Queen" for him in the Chateau Marmont, and the misfortune of almost wrecking a gig by knocking John's speakers and amps across the stage. His new book Red Hot Chili Peppers: Me and My Friends focuses not only on amazing photos — including unseen images of Anthony Kiedis, Flea, John Frusciante and Chad Smith — but the personal stories behind each picture. It's packed with unheard anecdotes and genuine insight, not just through Tony's lens, but through Tony's eyes. Here's an exclusive excerpt.]]>Tony Woolliscroft http://www.nerve.com/regulars/saf/sex-advice-from-mike-white/I’m a screenwriter and I’ve started dating another screenwriter — how can we avoid competition in our relationship? It’s tricky. All relationships in the business, even when people aren’t doing the exact same thing… there’s so much rejection in Hollywood, and there are so many ups and downs, that it’s a lot more of a rollercoaster than a lot of careers. It’s hard not to see yourself comparatively to the success or failure of others, and in relationships, obviously it’s best when you have good self-esteem, like you aren’t so buffeted by the vicissitudes of fortune. But you know, people who aren’t affected by that are few and far between. I guess my advice is to find someone to have a relationship with outside of the business.]]>James Brady Ryan http://www.nerve.com/regulars/culture-wars/debating-mad-mens-debate/]]>James Brady Ryan and Isabella Notti http://www.nerve.com/entertainment/new-releases/Film-11-06-2009/Jon Ronson’s nonfiction account of US military’s experimentation with the paranormal, The Men Who Stare at Goats, is a fascinating and often hilarious read, but it doesn’t exactly scream “soon to be a major motion picture.” Its digressive approach combined with Ronson’s quirky first-person viewpoint would seem to lend themselves more to an oddball documentary (along the lines of the one made from Ronson’s earlier book Them: Adventures with Extremists) than a George Clooney vehicle. So it comes as no surprise that director Grant Heslov and screenwriter Peter Straughan have taken some liberties in an effort to pull a narrative thread from Ronson’s book. They aren’t entirely successful — the third act is especially problematic — but at its best, Goats maintains a giddy Dr. Strangelove via the Coen Brothers vibe, with a strong assist from Jeff Bridges as a Lebowski-esque Special Forces officer turned hippie acidhead.]]>Scott Von Doviak http://www.nerve.com/photo-features/my-parents-were-awesome/Everyone knows your parents have had sex...at least once. You and the occasional sibling are the irrefutable evidence. After you arrived, your progenitors probably became obsessed with getting you on the right track, and then getting you out of the house. Amidst all that, it's easy to forget — as the blog My Parents Were Awesome proclaims — that "before the fanny packs and Andrea Bocelli concerts, your parents (and grandparents) were once free-wheeling, fashion-forward, and super-awesome." That's why Brooklyn blogger Eliot Glazer founded the site, to which readers submit photos of their folks in various stages of awesomeness, dress, and inebriation. The blogosphere is full of "snark and cynicism," Glazer says. "This site is an antidote to that. It's a place to go and feel warm and fuzzy. It spans all generations. I get pictures from the '20s, I get pictures from the '60s, the '80s. There's a lot of people out there who are just really proud of the people who raised them, and they want to share that with everybody else." Here are eighteen of our favorites. They're a great reminder of just how cool your parents can be. They're also a great reminder to cultivate awesomeness in your own life. Someday, you'll want your own photos just like these. — Nicole Ankowski]]>Eliot Glazer http://www.nerve.com/regulars/awesome-advice-way-to-go/the-washington-post-forgets-that-vampires-arent-real/The Source: Scott Bowen, interviewed by Stephen Lowman for The Washington Post The Dilemma: You know what they say: all the fanged ones are taken. How does a girl stand out from all the Twilight slags and True Blood wanna-bes and snag herself a real-deal vampire? The Advice: “Do [vampires] make good boyfriends? Yes and no. A woman involved with a vampire certainly has a measure of protection she has never ever had before. He is a cross between bodyguard, knight, and cop. It’s a bit topsy-turvy because this is someone who can only function when the sun is down. If you are a busy, professional woman who has a serious job or daytime responsibilities, it’s going to be bit taxing. What are some vampire turn-ons and turn-offs? They definitely like outgoing, athletic women who are up for a little midnight roving…There might come a point in a relationship with a vampire where the woman realizes that he has killed someone — for a good reason, but he has done it. He is looking for someone who has an alternative point of view and can accept that.” The Rebuttal: PSSST…Vampires are NOT REAL. A person who kills someone is called a murderer, and a grown woman who wants to date a guy who runs around in cloaks and white makeup needs to get her ass to a shrink and her nose out of her Anne Rice novel.]]>Erin Bradley http://www.nerve.com/dispatches/harrison/ten-revelations-on-the-road-to-love/]]>Jack Harrison http://www.nerve.com/entertainment/new-releases/DVD-11-04-2009/The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 — The 1974 version of The Taking of Pelham One Two Three is the kind of movie they don’t make anymore, and there’s no clearer evidence of that than Tony Scott’s remake starring Denzel Washington and John Travolta. Only in the pre-blockbuster era could a hangdog character actor like Walter Matthau headline a mainstream thriller populated almost exclusively by lumpy middle-aged men. Directed by Joseph Sargent, the original Pelham is an action movie with very little action by contemporary standards, but it does offer ticking-clock suspense and a vivid snapshot of gritty, grimy ’70s New York and its dyspeptic denizens. If you haven’t seen it, skip the shiny new version until you’ve remedied that oversight.]]>Scott Von Doviak http://www.nerve.com/regulars/savage-love/should-i-marry-the-only-guy-ive-ever-slept-with/I’m a straight female in her early twenties, currently engaged to a handsome man three years older. We’re very happy and we have a strong, healthy relationship, but lately I’ve been worried about one question: Considering my limited previous sexual experience (before him, it was oral only), is it still possible to have a long, enjoyable sex life with him? I’ve gotten some (well-intentioned, I’m sure) advice that suggests that we are both making mistakes. I can’t have a satisfying sex life without being able to compare him to anyone else, I’m told, and he’s making a huge mistake by pairing up with a less experienced partner. I hope that the individuals telling me this are wrong. I have absolutely zero interest in opening up this relationship, and I do my best to be GGG. He says I’m a great lover and a lot more confident in bed now compared to when we first made love, but I want to improve. Still, I don’t want to find out down the road that we made a mistake. — Negligible Experience With Boning]]>Dan Savage http://www.nerve.com/regulars/the-nerve-debate/marriage/]]>Elizabeth Wurtzel and Jack Harrison http://www.nerve.com/regulars/my-first-time/018-female-ireland/]]>You http://www.nerve.com/entertainment/features/ten-inappropriate-relationships-we-love/]]>James Brady Ryan http://www.nerve.com/regulars/cinema-sutra/showgirls/The movie: The notoriously bad and gratuitously sexed-up Showgirls was universally panned when it came out in 1995, but has since evolved into a camp classic. Taking sex scenes to that hallowed place where the improbable becomes ludicrous, Showgirls wraps its exploitation around your basic trumped-up intrigues of a penniless woman trying to get by as a stripper in Vegas. This, my friends, is a film to be watched on mute — with your finger on fast-forward.]]>Jack Harrison http://www.nerve.com/photo-features/talking-to-strangers/003-halloween/]]>Briana E. Heard and Meghan Pleticha http://www.nerve.com/regulars/missinformation/how-can-i-tell-if-hes-toying-with-me-or-actually-interested/Dear Miss Information, Ask your readers why women are hesitant to date short men. Is it social or biological? — Short Bald Guy Dear Short Bald Guy, What, no questions about being a bald guy, as well? I've been trying to come up with a famous, short, bald guy I want to bang, just to be contrarian, but keep stalling out at Mr. Burns from The Simpsons and Danny DeVito. Jason Statham is sufficiently foxy and follicle-free to be a contender, but IMDB lists him at five-eight-and-a-half, not far from the average American male height of five-nine. Vin Diesel is a disappointing six feet tall, which I verified through an exhaustive Google image search of shirtless photos. My job is horrible.]]>Erin Bradley http://www.nerve.com/entertainment/Everything-I-Know-About-Love-I-Learned-From/weezer/If you're looking to glean some dating tips from your iTunes library, you might well avoid the songs of Rivers Cuomo. Hiding behind an oversized pair of black-rimmed specs for the past fifteen years, he's always seemed so shy and bookish that critics practically made up the term "geek rock" to describe his band Weezer's music, and 1996's angsty Pinkerton is often cited as a watershed moment in emo history. And Cuomo would be the first to admit his relationship advice isn't worth much — he told Dr. Drew as much when he called in for an awkward guest spot on Loveline just last month. That said, the best of his songs read like a brutally honest and candid journal of one truly hopeless romantic. If you're the type that learns from the mistakes of others, the book of Weezer is full of them, and their new album Raditude, out tomorrow, should provide more.]]>Jakob Dorof http://www.nerve.com/regulars/best-of-dating-confessions/11-02-2009/]]>You