We’re taking a half day after this very brief week, so our weekly wrap-up will be equally speedy. Just consider it more “bang” for your buck, as we’re going to make each of these links count…

HIGHS:

We thought Thelma & Louise was a little overrated when it first came out, but this “remake” would make it twenty times better.

One perk of socialized medicine, at least in Cuba: free penis implants.

We were glad to have Seinfeld back, even if it was only for two episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

We broke our longtime self-imposed ban on writing about Tila Tequila because, of course, she made a “sex tape.”

Man, those German pranksters are so nasty– making fun of someone’s penis in public is something not even College Humor would do.

We were way ahead of these popular sex fads and can safely say you should avoid all of them.

And one of the craziest posts we’ve ever run featured a photo of Wilt Chamberlin, Governor Ahnuld, and the Hef, circa 1979 or something.

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LOWS:

Bai Ling’s nipples made an appearance! In honor of a fundraiser! Oh… it was for a childrens’ hospital.

New Zealand obviously doesn’t get Mad Men’s stylish appeal.

Only in Berlin would someone think a fashion shoot at a Holocaust Memorial would be cool.

One comment really said it all for this post: “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!”

You would think insurance companies would realize that everyone, including depressed people, post pictures of themselves in bikinis on Facebook.

Teen girls are more obsessed with celebrities than ever, as evidenced by how they almost tore the clothes off of a little boy.

And we learned it’s basically okay to get it on with your students in Georgia… although, shockingly enough, some people have a problem with that.

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Heidi Montag cannot STFU about her husband’s allegedly large penis and his ability to get her off 30 times per night. It seems increasingly clear that Heidi has no idea what an orgasm is.

Morgan and Emma have received £1,200 boob jobs in an attempt to attract new owners. The real problem is that Emma and Morgan are dogs.

“A high-ranking manager at a Swedish state-owned company has admitted he paid for sex with a prostitute because he hadn’t had sex with his pregnant wife for five months.”

Time Photoshopped a picture of Senator Landrieu to make it look like she’d used semen as hair gel, a la Cameron Diaz in There’s Something About Mary.

That 20-something couple in Sweden that kept their whole neighborhood up all night with screams of passion have been told they can stay in their home.

Brianna “Brandy” Blair, seen above, couldn’t find a job after her gig as a cheerleader with the Atlanta Hawks ended, so she’s doing porn. Her first film is a My Wife’s Hot Friend bit for Naughty America.

A new report from the UN claims that HIV infections are down 17% since the beginning of the decade.

“Being an escort, I thought I’d seen lots of things, but not this: 20 girls for just one man… Here the other men had no say. There was just one man with the right to copulate: the prime minister…” These and many other quotes about a “harem” come from the escort who claims to have slept with married Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi. The story only gets better from there.

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Sasha Grey, that agent provocateur who bends sexual boundaries on a daily basis with her multiple roles as a porn star, director, commercially-viable actress and all around smart lady, recently gave an in-depth interview to Dazed Digital about her relationship to the escort character she played in this year’s art house hit, The Girlfriend Experience. Grey being Grey, there’s a layer of cognitive distance between the questions and the lady’s philosophical replies, but that just makes it all the sexier. Choice quotes, after the jump.
Grey On Cultural Repression:

Well, I just think it’s 2009 and we’re still so afraid to talk about sex. I think ignorance breeds fear and vice versa and the less you know the more negative things can happen, such as teenage pregnancy or the skyrocketing rate of STDs in young adults. It is about sexual freedom but it’s about more than that, it’s about communication and talking and learning. I think people are so afraid to do that; people are afraid of the truth – we’d rather hide inside a bubble.

On The Girlfriend’s Experience not-so-optimistic portrayal of dating and relationships:

I don’t think it’s a breakdown, I think it’s actually a good thing, because maybe people are learning how to grow and be individuals – for a long time it was come home from work, pregnant, babies, marriage. In that instance, you end up hating the person you are married to because you share no similarities, you have no emotional connection, and you never did. That’s because for one person it was based on family and another it was based on circumstance.

Grey on her age (21) and accomplishments:

Yeah, over the past few years my learning curve has been huge and sometimes people say, ‘Don’t you just want to be a normal 21-year-old and go party and have fun?’ No, I mean why do you think great artists of our time have always said youth is wasted on the young? I don’t want to be an old a person in regret and think I should have done this but I was off being lazy. There are enough mistakes we make as human beings anyway, so let the mistakes be real mistakes not chosen mistakes.

(Via Jezebel)

Related: Sasha Grey Is In Another Non-Porn Movie

Image Of The Day: Sasha Grey’s All Woman (And Part Leather)

Sasha Grey Made a Movie! Not the Girlfriend Experience…

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Hollywood’s marketing machine has stumbled upon a new brilliant formula for selling movie tickets:

1. Take one ridiculously good-looking young man, preferably one who’s seventeen
2. Make him do lots and lots of sit-ups
3. Find an excuse - any excuse - to cover him with water
4. Get some laurels; rest on them

As someone who fought and clawed through hordes of fourteen-year-old girls to make it to the opening of New Moon, I saw how well that worked. A two hour film based pretty much entirely around one under-age six pack, and it’s already breaking records. And if you missed it, you can see pretty much everything you missed on the cover of this month’s Rolling Stone.

Not to be out-done, the folks over CinemaNX released this video, to promote their new film, Me and Orson Welles, starring Zac Efron. Now, perhaps the bloom’s off the rose with Zac - at twenty-two, he’s practically an AARP member, amiright? But they at least got the abs and the wet parts correct:

Now, you might say that with its film-history focus, small production company, and, you know, plot, this movie has nothing to do with Twilight, but you can’t fool me. I see what they’re doing here - it’s a thinly-veiled excuse to reveal the film’s best asset - Zac Efron’s stomach - and in so doing, grab a bit of that Hot-Topic shopping, Twilight-reading hormone-crazy goldmine, tweenage girls.

Not, of course, that I’m complaining.

PETA can’t even do nudity right. After a week in which Keeley Hazell posed topless and uncovered for them and New York City basically ruled nude streakers are relatively legal, the People For the Ethical Treatment Of Animals Not In Their Shelters asked gold medal-winning Olympic figure skater Tai Babilonia to strip down– to her leather skates!– and race around the rink at Rockefeller Center during the lunch rush to get a big publicity for them.

Well, the organization received its much-desired press… although maybe not in the way they expected:

Blogs across the country are mocking the organization for allowing Babilonia not only to wear leather skates…

…but wait… is she even naked? I mean, is she even pretending to be naked? Seriously, that’s not fooling anyone:

The Deceiver says PETA lied in its press release, too:

There will be no sequined costume for Olympic icon Tai Babilonia on Tuesday–in fact, there will be no costume at all. The champion figure skater will bare all on the famed ice-skating rink at Rockefeller Plaza.

Whoops. Maybe Babilonia planned to go naked, but the cold weather finally hit New York City this week…